Why Mothers Owe It To Their Daughters…
…To Nurture A Healthy Self Image
Role modelling for our children is incredibly important, especially when we’re talking about self image. Women come to me for help in improving their low self esteem and to change how they feel about the way they look. I have to say that it breaks my heart to see, especially when it becomes clear that the wrong messages are being passed down to their children, especially to their daughters, so that all we have generation after generation of women who don’t like themselves.
I’ve made it my mission to break that cycle with my makeover photoshoots and boudoir photography but in order to do that we have to understand what the problem really is…
Environment
In today’s social media world, where Instagram “influencers” dictate the standards of beauty and success that young women see every day, the role of a mother in shaping her daughter's self-image is more important than ever.
We aspire to hold a unique position in our daughters' lives, to be able to influence their perceptions and attitudes more deeply than any external source. But if the self image that we maintain for ourselves is negative, then either we influence our daughters to think in the same way or it is left to social media to do it for us. Is that what we really want?
By modelling a healthy self-image, mothers can empower their daughters to develop a strong sense of self-worth and resilience.
Let’s explore why mothers owe it to their daughters to model a healthy self-image and how they can fulfil this essential responsibility.
The Influence of Maternal Role Modelling
Children of a young age, especially daughters under the age of 13, look up to their mothers as their primary role models. The behaviours, attitudes, and beliefs that mothers exhibit regarding their own self image are central to how their daughters perceive themselves. So how can we do this?
By not comparing ourselves to Instagram images which are manipulated beyond recognition and beyond possibility; We can explain to our children how these images do not represent reality and even when they do it’s usually at a huge sacrifice which doesn’t reflect a balanced and happy life.
By not critisising other women, either in real life or in the media, for the way they look. Let’s be honest, it can make us feel better about ourselves to find fault in others and yet it’s such a negative thing to do and poisons the minds of those around us, either about the person we’re discussing or towards ourselves. When mothers exhibit confidence, acceptance and appreciation of other people, they teach their daughters to value themselves and to recognise their own strengths without having to pull down others in order to feel good about themselves.
By instaling these habits in ourselves, when thinking positively and kindly about ourselves and others becomes routine and automatic, we help our daughters to develop a similar mindset. This gives them a rare and important headstart in life. They will be more well-liked, and yes, more successful.
So What Are Some Practical Ways for Mothers to Model a Healthy Self-Image
Practice Positive Self-Talk
The most common thing I hear when my clients walk into the studio is: “You’ve got your work cut out for you today”. Can you imagine talking to your best friend like that? Probably not so why do we speak to ourselves like that? Whilst we might not dream of saying something like that in front of our daughters (although I know many women who won’t be photographed even with their families) our daughters will pick up signals of lack of self worth.
The fact is that by saying things, we build those pesky (or brilliant) neural pathways; the connections in our brain that are strengthened by words, actions and thoughts. If we have to build those connections that lead to habits, doesn’t it make sense to make them positive ones. It’s only by thinking positive things and acting in positive ways that our beliefs become positive ones.
And what our daughters hear, they too will start believing. We have to lead by example so that it becomes easy for our daughters to believe that they are the beautiful souls that they are.
So some practical tips:
1. Practice Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce self-worth. Share these affirmations with your daughter, creating a habit of self-love and appreciation. Recognise what makes you special and love yourself for what makes you unique.
2. Maintain a Balanced Approach to Health and Fitness
Your beliefs and the way you approach self care such as exercise and diet will influence how your daughter feels about them and the habits that she adopts. If you are constantly yo-yo dieting and have an inconsistent approach to exercise, going to extremes, or not doing exercise that you enjoy, then there is a reasonable chance that your daughter will carry on that pattern. Do you really want this for your daughter?
Promoting a balanced, healthy lifestyle is essential. But look - a thought - let’s keep this real. Adopting healthy habits can be really difficult. And therefore, why not be vulnerable? You’re not competing for Mum Of The Year. So talk to your daughter. Explain that you’ve struggled with your self image and that you don’t want her to have the same issues. And maybe work out a plan of how you can tackle it together.
3. Recognise what sets you apart and encourage your daughter to be her own unique self.
When I was a teenager, the way we fitted in was with fashion, our clothes. It was either mini skirts, or maxi skirts - in fashion at any one time. And God help you if you didn’t wear the current fashion. What is wonderful about the times that we live in is that we don’t need to follow fashion in terms of our wardrobe. We can wear what we like and it’s celebrated.
But that’s not to say that trends don’t exist. The trend for using makeup and cosmetic procedures to “improve” who we are - to have a perfectly shaped nose, fuller lips, higher cheekbones, large eyebrows - has resulted in an Instagram generation that you can hardly tell apart.
This is what I mean about women becoming the positive influence in your daughters’ lives, not the influencers. If your daughter sees you accepting the aging process as natural and beautiful, if she comes to understand that beauty really does lie within and shows on your face as wisdom, then she is much more likely to have a positive self image without the thick makeup and lip fillers. If she accepts that she is beautiful just as she is then she will concentrate on living a happy and fulfilled life. But if she sees her mother resorting to surgery to look younger, if she sees looking your age as a bad thing, then she will end up in that constant battle to be slimmer, more youthful, just like you have been.
4. Practise Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during tough times or when you are feeling less than “perfect”. Show your daughter that it's important to treat herself with compassion, self love and understanding, rather than harsh self-criticism.
5. Do not pull other women down. Criticising other women has become something of a trend in todays divided society. Knocking their choice of wardrobe or how they’ve used makeup is not positive or useful. We should be supporting other women, realising that they are so much more than what they superficially look like; why their choice of wardrobe is more important than being compassionate or intelligent or interesting.
6. Critical Media Consumption: Teach your daughter to critically evaluate media photos and video. Discuss how images are photoshopped and do not represent reality. Encourage them to follow role models who have a positive message of self acceptance. Inspirational women who I follow on Instagram are: @sashapallari and @acne._positivity
So What’s Stopping You Having a Positive Self Image?
Look if this stuff was easy I wouldn’t be writing this. You need a compelling reason to have healthy self esteem. We women often prioritise our families over ourselves. We even feel guilty about spending time and money on helping us to feel better about ourselves. So DO IT FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS. Create that positive environment. Teach her that beauty lies within and to have FUN with makeup and fashion, to use food and exercise in a moderate way to be healthy.
It will help her to develop a strong sense of self worth, to have strong foundations which increase the likelihood of positive mental health and secure relationships; to be resilient and to pass all this on to her children